changing / growing / leaving

i'm only at day three and this blog's already getting serious... uh oh! prepare yourselves accordingly :)

when i was nine, i had it all figured out. i was going to get through school, train for seven years, become a veterinarian and live in Mtunzini, driving a bright blue double-cab bakkie and spending the hours i wasn't saving animals on the beach. bliss, right?

turns out that at nine years old, you have no idea what your life is going to be like.

first to go was the vet dream. don't get me wrong - i never stopped loving animals or wanting to help them, and neither was i put off by the many years of training. instead, i learned about euthanasia and decided i wasn't strong enough to be the person who sometimes had to put animals down, even when that was what was best for them. a new career path was in order then. in Grade 6 i hit upon writing and found it a rather exhilarating experience; i moved from creative writing to journalistic writing and am now an exam and a year away from a degree in Journalism. majoring in, um, Communication Design. not that that was intentional... but can you see how life goals change?

the bakkie dream sort-of faded off into oblivion; i've gone through a few dream cars since then which would likely make a rather interesting timeline if i put 'em all together (let's just say that it's quite a leap from a sky-blue Toyota Hilux to a yellow Mini Cooper). i currently think the red car down below is rather beautiful, but realistically i don't have a dream car - and won't let myself have one until i actually learn how to drive. (ha. ha. ha!)

car-volution much? (forgive the poor editing skillz - i promise i'm a better designer than the above image would have you believe >.< )

the list goes on - but suddenly Hannah eleven years down the line has way fewer solid dreams than she did back in Grade 4, when life seemed really easy. and 20-year-old Hannah doesn't want those dreams anymore (although the colour of the Hilux isn't that bad; i'll concede there).

i won't pretend that i'm not pretty darn scared of the future, now that i've got a clearer idea of what it entails; life's a lot more messy and a lot more like hard work than a nine-year-old may think. friends of mine are finishing varsity and going out into the world, getting jobs, getting married... soon it'll be me out there in the open, and that's a slightly terrifying thought.

nevertheless, i feel like i'll be ready, when the time comes. i'm currently living out my final week in res, and next week i'll be sorting out a whole lot of things for my digs (my flat) next year. this means next year will involve cooking, dishes, rent, electricity, security, budgeting and a whole new level of independence to which i haven't yet been exposed... and yet i cannot wait. i know it'll be a lot more responsibility; i know it won't always be as easy as life in residence has been, but i'm more than willing to step forward into it - and that gives me hope for the future.

everything in this life changes - dreams and ambitions, friends and family, beliefs and points of view. in eleven years, maybe i'll be a graphic designer living in Cape Town and driving that cute little red car... or maybe i'll be a hat-maker living in Tokyo and driving a Ford. a great deal of the beauty in life is that we can't predict those changes; life's a mystery, and as we grow and leave and learn, we change.

so here's to changing for the better, and here's to a life that's sweet however it turns out.