un/grateful

just a little pre-show warning: this blog post may not only be just really boring and full of drivel, but also rather gloomy. i'm sorry to be so down on a day when i should be really happy... it's just that this is my first Thanksgiving away from home. which really shouldn't be such a big deal, since i live in South Africa - which means we don't get the days off, and cooking all that food while juggling normal life is a schlep, so my family (which celebrates because my mom is American, in case you're wondering) usually has a smaller, condensed sort of celebration in lieu of a big, bold, extravagant affair.

but it's a celebration nonetheless.

it's just... weird not being home for Thanksgiving. and i'm incredibly homesick as it is - my heart's crying out to be back at home among its green hills. i have two more exams in the next two days and i'm struggling like anything to put my head down and study (which i REALLY need to do, trust me!) when all my mind can think about is getting on a plane on Sunday afternoon and flying back to where i belong.

and yet...

i'm not ungrateful. i've had a really decent day - studying through the morning, having my breath stolen by Walt Whitman and Allen Ginsberg, joking around with friends at lunch, an incredibly good exam {which, by the way, i had anticipated being really really awful... so its pleasantness was such a blessing}, shopping at Pick'n'Pay and seeing half of Rhodes doing the same (only in this town will you walk into the supermarket and see not only half of the people you just wrote an exam with, but the lecturer for whom you wrote the exam, as well as your faculty's Dean... all doing their grocery shopping. beautiful.), a Snickers bar, Flyleaf, a lift up the hill with Bronnie and Jarrod, dinner and peaches, Chris and baseball and turkey drawings, Kelsey and studying and Cadbury Wholenut chocolate, and long conversations about the things that frustrate and move us about America...

i had a really good day.

and i do love this town an incredible amount; i won't deny that a large part of my heart has come to live here and i'm sure will stay here when i go back to my original home in two days. yes, Grahamstown - this infinitely special little borough - has managed to worm its way into my heart and become a home for me.

i'm just indescribably worn out. and starting to panic about my exam tomorrow. and missing my mom and dad and cat. i guess it's just that time of the year.

i'm going to sleep now, so that i can wake up early in the morning and study my tail off for my first Xhosa exam, which i'm scheduled to write in the afternoon.

but if you're reading this (and i'm really sorry if you are, it's a terribly mopey and rambling blog post)...  
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

i hope you are all safe and warm and happy and loved.